It's Everyone's First Time Living

I'm not really sure if it’s the perfectionism or the constant people-pleasing, but making “bad” decisions is a lifestyle I have never subscribed to.

Which is stupid.

I don’t know when it got lost in translation that decisions aren’t inherently “good” or “bad,” but if anyone finds that message, let me know!

Fortunately, as my frontal lobe has started to fully develop, I’m learning how to approach my daily choices without immediately categorizing them as right or wrong.

I am so serious when I tell you that even taking a turn too early can send me over the edge. I’ll beat myself up all because I can’t comprehend the difference between “.8 of a mile” and “a quarter of a mile.” Sometimes, I wish my British male voice on Waze would just yell at me, “TURN RIGHT HERE NOW!” But honestly, I’d probably still find a way to argue with him, so there’s no winning.

Now, if one wrong turn can send me spiraling, just imagine me making a normal 21-year-old decision. I’m digging myself deeper into a hole with every passing minute, mentally fighting with myself over how stupid I could be for choosing this instead of that. I have a certain image of myself that I like to maintain, and when a choice doesn’t align with that, it does a number on me.

When I’m dwelling on a choice, I tell my friends, “I’m tweaking out.” The moment those three words come out of my mouth, I swear a little switch flips in their brains, and they help me level out. They remind me that the decision I just made doesn’t have to be good, bad, like-me, or unlike-me. It can just be a decision.

I talk about it with my friends a lot. I feel like our generation of 20-somethings dwells so much on every little decision, as if we’re all on this never-ending path to perfection. And no one is really out here telling us that a single decision—good or bad—doesn’t have to be the defining moment of our personality.

And obviously, I get caught up in this too.

Suddenly, sharing every detail of my life the night before feels like the worst thing I could’ve done. But when they do it? I think, “That’s just a human thing. You felt comfortable in that moment, so it made sense to share.”

So, coming from someone who is actively trying to throw softer punches at themselves…

It’s just a decision. You’re young. It’s your first time living.

I feel like hearing this from someone your age holds a little more weight. It’s not coming from a place of reflection—it’s coming from a place of realization.

No offense to older folks, but one thing about our generation is how much value we place on the opinions, reflections, and passing thoughts of people close in age to us. It almost feels like we still have time to change our mindset. I don’t know—maybe that makes no sense to you, but if it resonates, just know that I, at least, understand.

Now, I won’t lie—I do think choices define who we are, to an extent. My perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies are too deeply ingrained for me to pretend otherwise. But I am trying to adopt a mindset that allows me to live with less self-judgment.

It all comes back to this: you are your biggest critic.

And I wish I wasn’t.

But wishing doesn’t always elicit action. So take it from me—a 21-year-old who sometimes makes decisions that don’t sit right with her but then remembers that this is what being human is about. Making choices, sitting with them, moving on, and then making some more.

I’m slowly but surely learning to separate who I am from the choices I make because while I do believe our decisions help define us, they don’t all have to. At the end of the day, we can continue making choices that redefine who we are.

Now, I’m not telling you to go out and make wild decisions and then dig for some tiny justification. But if you tend to beat yourself up like I do, try giving yourself some grace. No one knows everything. It’s your first time living. There was no way for you to predict the full outcome of both choices.

this is the grace I give myself (my best friend Grace)

And honestly? I’ve found that allowing yourself to make decisions without a massive cloud of judgment over your head can actually bring you closer to people.

Because once again—

It’s everyone’s first time living.

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